WAIT
- This stand for “Why Am I Talking?” and “Why Ain’t I Talking?”
- The idea is for everyone to identify whether they are a person who tends to talk more than their share or less than their share. You might talk more or less depending on context. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if you’re dominating, but asking others privately can help you get a sense.
- A discussion where a few people dominate is not very fun and tends to have low quality of results.
- So, it helps if each person knows their tendency and comes towards the middle.
- Finally, as a facilitator, you might even want to use a time keeper or something to help people self-regulate, but be prepared to deal with people who even when they see they are talking more will clam they deserve to because of their experience or knowledge around the subject.
- This has also been called “Step up / Step back”, but that is using ableist language.
Don’t Yuck My Yum
- If someone expresses excitement or support for something, it is ok if you don’t share their enthusiasm, but it is not ok to try to ruin it just because you don’t feel the same.
- Often, when people feel differently about something as simple as whether the group should prioritize or assign tasks first, there is a solution that works for everyone. It may be as easy as breaking into groups based on preference.
- However, if someone’s “Yum” is offensive, dismissive, or mean, your Code of Conduct still applies. Even then, it is usually easiest for the person to receive feedback if it can be handled carefully and privately to avoid publicly shaming anyone and to give all parties a chance to express themselves.
Use Active Listening
- Active Listening is about trying to really understand, engage, and make room for the person who is talking.
- It is an affirmation that listening is more than not talking (just as peace is more than the absence of war). For example, if you’re spending the entire time someone is talking, thinking about what you’re going to say, then you’re not actively listening.
- To help practice active listening, you can take notes on what the person is actually saying. This can help you capture all of it, so you don’t just forget the parts that you didn’t understand or were less interesting to you.
- It can also help to practice pausing after someone finishes speaking to give everyone including you and the speaker a chance to process what they said.
- Leaders and facilitators can model active listening by taking notes and refusing to answer questions during open discussion. This affirms the fact that everyone has a right to speak and that if we (talkers especially), wait, then there’s usually at least one other person ready to say the thing we’re thinking. It’s better if it doesn’t always come from the same people, particularly from those in charge.
Screen Down When Necessary
- For some people, it is hard to pay attention when they have a screen such as their phone or laptop up. And for others, it may be hard to trust that someone else is listening if they have a screen up.
- In either case, you may want to use this community agreement for certain discussions where people agree not to be distracted or where trust is important.